Connectivity

Lately, I've had several people have asked me if I have an IM account. No. Cell phone. Yes, but barely. One of my patients gave me one, and told me I could be on his plan (clearly he has bunches of minutes), but I've used it maybe 6 times since he gave it to me nine or ten months ago.

I don't want to be that connected. That IM thing freaks me out. The thought of people knowing when I'm on line, and messaging me seems kinda creepy. I gather there's an 'invisible' setting, but then, why enroll in an IM service? It feels, to me, as if it's too much of a demand to pay attention to someone else and to hear what's going on in their lives. By that, I mean hear about the minutia of their lives. I'm not interested in the minutia of MY life. Why would I want to hear about the minutia of any one else?

I have a good friend, made recently, who gives me the details of her life, her kids' lives, her kids' friends lives..... at the risk of sounding callous, I don't care. Give me the Reader's Digest Condensed version. Tell me the highlights, lay down an outline. (Every single friggen) Detail is not important. I do care about her, and I do care about her kids. Just spare me every detail, please!

So it amazes me when I'm at the gas station, filling the Volvo, or cruising through Wegmans, looking for my special favorites, or walking to an appointment with a patient, or strolling the halls of school, and I see people glued to their phones.

I don't care what brand of cereal or potato chip you're considering, what the weather is like in San Diego, or Syracuse or Seattle. Just let me be on my own tiny planet, and process my own tiny thoughts.

As I write this, I think 'Jeeez! I sound like a curmudgeon!' I think I am one. In part it's because I worked for 'The Phone Company' and in their international division. This means I was at the beck and call of Europeans or Asians at any given moment of the day or night, including weekends (sometimes different from ours) and holidays (sometimes different from ours). After a decade (PLUS!) of that, one begins to value solitude, and the fact the phone doesn't ring.

In part, it's because I'm of a different generation. I am officially a baby-boomer, although I just snuck in under the wire. As kids we were let loose to roam the neighborhood, allowed (forced?) to entertain ourselves, develop our imaginations, have hours of unscheduled, unformatted time. Exploring, adventuring, imagining were all hallmarks of my childhood. In retrospect, it's a wonder I didn't do myself in accidentally.

In part, it's because I am a solitary soul. Happenstance, history, and histrionics (my own, as well as others) have caused me to seek, and then be at, peace with myself. Now it's easier to fly solo. I can muse and mutter to myself (one reason I have dogs - I don't talk to myself, I talk to them!) laugh at my own jokes, live as neatly or as sloppily as I want, without compromising or having to please someone else.

There is a deep peace in solitude. If one can call being 'alone' truly 'being alone' when 2 dogs are wrestling wildly behind one (as The Little Princess turned hoyden and The White Dog are now).

I often feel like The Little Prince, alone on his very own planet. I spend a lot of time with others - patients, students,neighbors, friends. I do, on occasion, get lonely (although my 4-legged friends do much to alleviate that). All in all, there's a reason I'm single. My friend D said 'you're perfect as you are. An 'arm's length boyfriend' is all you need.'

If even that much!